Unfinished business 03192017

As an outsider looking down on my life, right now, one would possibly describe the scene as a built up energy time bomb exploding and spewing with shame, disgust, sorrow, and anguish. The liquid demon has it's prey, yet again. Just like the Eagle, I too aim to catch prey. The prey is my own heart, which currently I feel miles away from, not millions as before. The journey to my heart is coming closer, day by day. There isn't anyone that can come before me or my heart, they are now considered scared. I must do whatever it takes to secure, nourish, and love it or it gets possessed by the liquid demon. 

The infamous liquid demon, the one I feel as if I can control, but it always controls me. Its a dead end street, a grave, cold, and stinky. The liquid demon is sneaker than I, more courageous than I, a liar, a thief, a manipulator, a narcissist and an asshole. I've wrestled with the liquid demon most of my life however, starting today, I'm done wrestling and I surrender. It's time for a big ol flush, or else I will just sit here, stagnate, cold, stinky and grey. This picture is not the ideal picture one envisions for their life, well not me anyways.

These lotuses remind me that I thought it was just me, but it isn't. I am not alone in this struggle, strength is in numbers. The struggle with addiction is not the only layer in my multifaceted past, present and future however, day by day is my motto and today looks really bright. 

Layers

Oh, the ice cubes that go swirling around that deadly combination of liquid poison, depending on that day, that combination could have been whiskey or vodka, premium of course.

 Completely unsure, really, about the depth of this grave. Clawing away at the soil, my fingers are cut up and numb as I pass through the layers of built up anger, guilt, pain, addiction and suffering. They are layers that I must claw away at so that they can be left behind me and blow away in the wind. I'd rather be like the eagle who soars with the wind,  uses its resource as an ally, gracefully soaring among great heights, full of determination and ownership over its prey. 

Like the eagle, and with its majestic eyes, one observing the ground and waters that lie below it, searching for its prey, I too am observing my environments and people I allow inside. I have sought prey that, one would presently say, are GMO's, like one would find at Rainbow in the produce department  pretending to be real. All along, the prey that needs to be eaten are prey that are real, make me strong, build me up and trust my intentions. Those are the only prey, I will now, forever seek. Ones that live in truth and believe in justice. Prey that are actively seeking a way to better themselves in order to make the World we all live in, a better place.